My note to myself when I first decided to loose weight (Taken with Instagram)
21, Madly in love & while i know who I am, i'm still trying to find out what I really want out of life. This blog is a look into my heart. - Infinaitve X's & O's
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Not really. Today I hit my calorie limit at like 5 which was so dumb of me but whatever, anyways, I ended up eating all night. It was like no matter what I wasn’t full. I’m never full anymore : /
I think it’s cause I’m working out 6 days, Also cause all I used to eat was heavy. I always when for the heavy, greasy food. Now Every thing I eat is so light.
I’m not gonna beat myself up over tonight though, the past few days I’ve very much stayed in my limit & I worked out everyday this week. It’s a process & of course I’m gonna slip up. It’s just a part of it. Beating myself up over one night isn’t going to help.
I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning & I just move on. Though I am finding that the foods im eliminating I’m doing a good job of keeping them out, but the stuff that’s bad that I haven’t cut out I tend to eat too much of.
Like bread & pizza. I am gonna cut all pizza out for a while until i get a better handle on my diet, I’m trying to also add new things so I don’t feel deprived & so I don’t eat things I shouldn’t.
I do miss some foods. I definitely don’t miss fast food. It’s just so so awful for you. Even after I loose weight I doubt I’ll go there often. I’ll miss pizza & stuff though. I’ll really miss white bread but I’ll live lol. I just have to tell myself this is really only temporary. Cause after I loose weight then it’s just about maintaining it. I won’t have to count calories like crazy. That’s only right now cause I have to burn more then I’m eating.
I do miss soda though. But it’s more for the comfort I used to get for it more then anything. I don’t crave it. which makes things sooo much easier. I think my body knows it’s not good for me. Plus I’ve drank enough soda for 2 lifetimes.
I think I’m doing pretty well. i’ve come to a point where I know this isn’t going to happen overnight finally. I look at my body everyday & I used to measure & weight constantly but it’s dumb I realize now. This is going to take time, I need to go at this hard core for another 2 months before I can expect any real results.
I bought a few pairs of goal pants to wear in December & I realize now that it’s dumb. I was so stressed about getting into them & I really don’t need to be. I’ll get into them eventually. there pants i can get anywhere in any size so it really doesn’t matter.
k i’m done lol
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For me anyways. Like why does every picture for inspiration have to be some skinny white girl? there are thousands of races & body types & healthy weights. I’m tired of seeing the same thing over and over again.
I’m not trying to aspire to look like ANYONE ELSE when I loose weight, I wanna look like myself & I understand that other bodies can be inspiration but I’m never gonna look like a skinny white girl. My skin is darker & thicker. Like, can we have some variety?
Not to mention some of the horrible diets/ suggestions I been seeing. I said yesterday i was done, & idk why I looked again. i did find a few good ones though. just, ugh. SMH
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One that is a little bigger then the Lauren Conrad ones. Cause LC’s clothes run around junior sizes & the Elle pants I got are more misses. & they are super stretchy so They shouldn’t be too hard to get into.
I am trying to not get discouraged. Every morning I wake up feeling lighter & then sometimes my pants feel slightly looser, i get excited weight myself/ measure myself then get discouraged again : /
I guess I just need to figure out how to keep myself motivated. i think I need to just not weight or measure myself at all. some say it helps but it’s only discouraged me so I’m just gonna do it once a month to record & that’s in.
Anyways I need to lose about 10 inches to fit in those pants. I have til December. I think I can do it! Just gonna keep at it : )
Also I only need a few more things for my minnie & tiana outfits, definitely gonna work on that the next few weeks.
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Goal pants & top for disneyland (Taken with Instagram)
So these are my goal pants for now. trying to get into them by November 30th, so I only have a limited time. Today I weighed myself and I’m back to my start weight : ( I got really discouraged but then I thought it really hasn’t been that long & I turn my discouragement into motivation.
I’m really starting to enjoy working out. Like, ALOT. & I used to love to run, so it makes sense but today during my workout it just felt amazing, like I love to sweat & I keep pushing myself more & more and it’s great.
I’m just hoping soon the weight will start to melt off a little more. But it’s more important to be healthy & I feel I’ll feel that way more after I get into my Lauren Conrad jeans. I actually feel when I’m a 16 I’ll be pretty content there for a while. My overall goal is 150 & now that I’m not going on a cruise in may I feel I have no set goal date for that. it’ll happen when it’s meant to.
I just need to work on my eating habits, they are so much better then even just a few months ago, but I still need to keep my calories under control. I’ve gone over quite a bit, but I’m still working out consistently so i guess were okay. for now lol.
This is such a journey. I have a list of goals but I also have a list of things I’ve accomplished & am proud of & I’m gonna read that one days like today.
It’s really not about weight loss to me, it seems like it cause the pants, but those are just a specific goal I have to work towards to keep me going. After that it’s just about having a better overall lifestyle and being healthy. & not getting diabetes. UGH which reminds me, I so terribly need to cut back on sugar, & soda. It’s hard to quit an addiction that is pure comfort but I’m trying. Trying so hard.
Anyways, I was just venting, carry on lol.
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I actually did my yoga workout all the way through without stopping or anything & it felt like, fucking amazing.
& then today I woke up and decided to weight myself, & I finally hit the 5 pound mark! this is very exciting. For a while I was staying at my start weight but all this week it’s been going down.
I was trying to decide whether or not to work out today and I’m definitely going to. Progress is a great motivator, even if it is just a pound. I’m so determined. I just really want to get down a few pant sizes. I bought my goal pants yesterday, I’ll post them when I get them : )
I feel pretty good today! & Even though my body isn’t where I want it, I still love it.
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I’ve been eating a lot of fruit & stuff and eating better.
I still eat a lot of unhealthy things but waaayy more in moderation. I find myself regretting when I do eat bad food which is good, I need to want to eat healthier.
it’s just hard, like today work got us donuts & I’m like
But I eat way less fast food & I just been doing so well. I’m very dedicated & it’s great. Like today I was fucking exhausted but I still worked out, I didnt do much of my yoga cause it was too slow & gave me to many chances to lay down lol but I went on my elliptical.
Sometimes I worry I don’t work out enough. but then I remember it’s about what you eat too, but it just takes time. I’m doing good so I just have to keep at it.
On another positive note Disneyland is booked! : )) very excited about that, I decided to do a tiana & minnie mouse outfit. It’s hard though cause I want the outfits to be subtle but still recognizable. & a red polka dot skirt isn’t very subtle. & I was think red jeans but then that’s just mickey mouse. Idk. I been thinking about it a lot lately lol I have a few ideas for tiana but i feel they won’t look like tiana, ill just be dressing in green. Idk. we’ll see.
I’m liek not even trippin’ about how it’s in december. this has gone by SO fast I know it’ll be here in no time.
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vut most of the new stuff I got does not fit me. Maybe I need to stop being so dead set on Nike until I’m smaller. Most of the stuff I got in the last few days does not fit.
I kinda wanna be sad about it but lately everytime I start to feel defeated becuase of my weight I just brush it off. Cause I know that eventually I’ll get to a good healthy weight and won’t have as many problems. And when things come up again I won’t feel so defeated, I’ll be liberated and happy cause i’ll realize how far I’ve come.
I’m just starting and I’ve only taken baby steps in some things, so I don’t think I need to worry. This takes time, that’s one thing I failed to remember last time.
Trying to lose weight is such a strange transition to try and make. Especially when you’ve been overweight over half your life. I know my weight isn’t who I am but it is a part of who I am, a part I love & hate. I haven’t just gained weight, I’ve always had this weight. Which is why i feel it’ll be hard to get rid of but I am bound and determined because I will not a) be a fat bride & b) get diabetes. I also don’t want it to be hard to eat better when I eventually get pregnant.
I feel all the years of insecurity & feeling like the fat best friend & fat sister are what is motivating me and it’s why I refuse to give up. & i don’t have like 40 pounds to lose, no I have like 80. This is more then just “I feel fat(but really I’m a size 10)” This is me changing my body & I am ready more then even to put in the effort and change my diet. Not dramatically, I refuse to count calories & deprive myself. I just want to be better. Feel good, feel healthier.
k I’m done.
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I really wish I knew why this time of starting this journey to being healthier was hard this time. I feel like it might be cause this time im serious about it. Serious as in I’ve researched everything, I have realistic goals, I’m giving myself the tools for success. I have almost everything. I think I’m just scarred. Being in this weight & in this skin for so long and hating it & then finally loving it & now i’m going to try and change it? It’s all such a difficult concept to grasp. And I hate doing it. Cause everyones going to think I wanna be skinny, but I don’t fucking wanna be skinny. I want to be healthy, and I’m scarred to DEATH I will get diabetes. That’s what’s driving me. It’s weird I’m actually not looking forward of some of the things that come with losing weight. Like when people tell you how amazing you look. I’m just going to get brokenhearted, like, I think I look good now. I’m just big. I swear so many girls feel the way I AM, and I’ve found confidence and trying to lose weight almost makes me feel like I’m going backwards.GAH. I hate this. I really do. There are so many things that can happen, liek what if I don’t lose weight and get discouraged again? what if I start doing it for the wrong reasons? what if people I care about tell me how much more amazing I look? But this this time most of all, I’m scarred I’ll give up again, like really give up. I don’t want that. and this time feels different so maybe it will be.
Guess I’ll never know until I try right?
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I feel like EVERYone around me is trying to loose weight. & It’s always “I want to be skinny, flat tummy, blah blah. I just want to scream at the world, why not try to be HEALTHY. Like do you not realize your goal to look like that supermodel or Rihanna, that’s NEVER going to happy. unless you already look like them, just a little bigger. It’s so infuriating. You should want to look like YOU but healthy.
Also all the stupid, get skinny quick diets are dumb as fuck, cause 1, they dont work, or 2, they work & then you gain that shit back.
Just I personally think if you want to loose weight you need to put the work in. Like me, if I have to loose weight it’ll be a good YEAR before I loose a significant amount of weight. Like, crazy diets & all that shit, no, your cutting corners, work your ass out & ADD good things to your diet. it’s simple & you don’t need to spend a fortune.
Anyways, last year I tried to join weight watchers and loose weight and I realized I wasn’t ready cause I hadn’t accepted my body type for what it was. I’ll never be a size 10, but that was somewhat what my goal is. I decided to put it on hold until I figured out how to love myself.
& I do, i really do. I’m big but i’m fucking beautiful. & I may not be society or too many people’s idea of beauty but wtf do I care? Mine is the only opinion who matters.
I still have my moments of insecurity. & I have put on 26 pounds since I got off weight watchers last year, but I think im finally at a place where I’ll always love my body, cause if i didnt when i was a size 18, how could i when im a size 8?
I love being thick. I don’t even want to lose too much weight. My goal size is actually just one or two sizes smaller. I tried yoga & I love it but i think im going to use that to maintain my weight, I’m going to buy a treadmill.
I ran in high school and I really do love to run, but im super paranoid & with my schedule running around the neighborhood isn’t usually an option.
I just want to be healthy. i worry about diabetes & all that a lot, so I think this will be perfect for me. Plus the treadmill will be like 600 dollars, it just should be a good move.
I plan on eating better. I get so mad when people deny themselves cause thats really not the way to go about it. you have to figure out what will work for the rest of your life & saying you’ll never have a donut again isn’t going to work.
I just mostly hate how much women hate their bodies. It makes me so angry. How can I, a women twice their size most of the time be happier with my body then them? We worry so much about how we have to look, when instead you need to focus on what you can wear that will flatter your body type.
Love doesn’t come easier cause your skinny, neither does opportunity, or anything in life really. Men love a confident women just as much a skinny one.
Don’t let people change how you feel. Don’t let the ideal image make you think your suppose to look a certain way.
